Most Confidence Killers for Women (and How to Slay Them)

In recent decades, women have been encouraged to stake their claim in the workforce — to formulate plans, take action and make their professional dreams come true. In fact, "Make It Happen" was the worldwide theme of the 2015 annual International Women's Day events (March 8).

Despite this encouragement from the female community at large, many women still seem to be stalled in their careers, standing still instead of taking steps toward their goals. What are they waiting for, exactly? In most cases, the answer is confidence.

In a survey conducted for her new book, Helene Lerner, founder of  WomenWorking.com, a career website for women, discovered that many women wait until they feel 100 percent confident in themselves before making a career move, such as asking for a raise or taking a new position.

However, waiting for this moment of "capital-C Confidence" usually means that the window of opportunity passes women by.

"Confidence with a big C is a myth," said Lerner, whose book "The Confidence Myth" was just released last week. "We hold ourselves back from valuable opportunities if we wait for everything to line up and to have all our skills in place. Women have to redefine confidence and understand that courage is the main ingredient for success for achieving their goals."

Courage is certainly a crucial building block for confidence, but it's not the only one, Lerner said. According to her survey of more than 500 working women, using skills and making an impact (86 percent) and the ability to make mistakes and recover from them (76 percent) also help enhance women's confidence in the workplace

But be warned, ladies: There are plenty of factors, whether it's your office environment or the people you work with, that can destroy your confidence if you let them. Here are the top five things that Lerner's survey respondents identified as detrimental to their confidence at work.

Perfectionism (55 percent). 

 Women often pressure themselves to reach imaginary, impossible standards of perfection, and become discouraged when they inevitably fail to achieve them.

"We have to stop the negative chatter and tell ourselves, 'Our best is good enough,'" Lerner said. "Make it an inner mantra."

Micromanager bosses (54 percent). 

 Being micromanaged can make a person feel like his or her work isn't good enough. Why else would the boss be nitpicking and telling you exactly how to complete a task? But in most cases, you probably aren't doing anything wrong: Lerner noted that fear is usually underneath controlling behavior.

"[Your boss's] micromanaging probably has more to do with how that person feels about him or herself, not you," she said.

Disengagement at work (49 percent).

 One of the most common reasons for feeling disconnected from your job — and therefore, lacking confidence in it — is doing work that doesn't leverage your skills. Everyone has talents and abilities, and if your job is not using them, you may want to start investigating other opportunities, Lerner suggested.

Fear of failure (48 percent).

 Everyone wants to "get it right" in their careers, but you shouldn't let the fear of getting it wrong stand in your way of trying something new. A project may not turn out as planned and you may make mistakes, but as long as you learn from these experiences, you haven't truly failed.

"Some of the greatest 'failures' have led to innovation," Lerner said. "Our research reflected this —women said that they got more confidence from learning from their mistakes and moving on." 

Uncooperative or critical colleagues (46 percent).

 Working with rude, arrogant or otherwise unpleasant individuals can really lower your job satisfaction, especially if their negativity is directed at you. As with micromanagers, Lerner urged women not to take the behavior too personally, but also advised making an effort to work things out with their colleague.

"Clean up your side of the street," Lerner said. "Is there anything you are doing to contribute to the [negative] situation? If so, take appropriate action."

Lerner said that women who want to beat these "confidence killers" and advance their careers need to take risks that enable them to accomplish their goals, even if they don't feel ready to do so. For example, she advised offering thoughtful suggestions in meetings, stepping in to help without being asked when someone else drops the ball, and seeking a trusted second opinion that encourages you to make a move you'd been considering.

Most importantly, women need to continually assess what's hurting their confidence and actively work to overcome their personal hurdles.

"Self-awareness is huge," Lerner told Business News Daily. "Just knowing what drains your confidence is a big step forward."